What to do when you’re struggling to do your health routines.

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Some days, it feels pleasurable and easy to do all the routines you do you that help your health, but other days….other days, the thought of them just fills you with heaviness.

I’ve been doing some form of daily health exercises for over twenty years now, initially to prevent back problems, then to help my ME/CFS (and my back), and now back to more general health exercises. Those routines have at the peak taken up to two/ three hours a day and, many times, I haven’t wanted to do them. Here’s what I’ve learnt to do:

• Know a lack of motivation is normal.
• Have a break from them.
• Express my frustration.
• Experiment.
• Remind myself how they help.

And longer-term actions:

• Strengthen and clean up my desire.
• Question my beliefs.
• Focus on my self-worth.

What works for each of us will be different so, if there’s something you’ve found that works for you (that I haven’t mentioned), please add a comment!

Know a lack of motivation is normal.

It’s very easy to criticise yourself when you don’t feel like doing your routines/ exercises – it seems that all around there are these amazing people who do their daily ritual just like that – and there are plenty of times, I’ve fallen into the trap of shouting at myself.

The thing is criticising myself doesn’t work…..it might work for one day but, the next day, I’m even more reluctant to do my routine.

I’ve now come to accept my motivation varies, and this is normal, and by doing this, I’m able to be more compassionate towards myself. And whenever I see myself and my reluctance in a more loving light, I have found it easier to start my exercises again – or look at what’s going on – and that’s what’s important.

Have a break from your routine.

My first response when I’m not feeling motivated is to have a break. This might mean not doing any of the exercises at all, but is more usually cutting back to a much smaller version.

Sometimes this break is planned, but more often it is in response to how I’m feeling on that day.

Express my frustration….or despair….or annoyance…or resentment….or….self-doubt….or..

If you’re not feeling motivated, there is going to be some kind of feeling around, perhaps, one of anger (‘I don’t want to’) or one of despair (I can’t be bothered).

The feeling may be hidden behind any guilt you’re feeling, but I’m pretty sure it will be there. (I’m very good at denying feelings but every time I’ve managed to look, I’ve found something!)

If you can’t find any feeling, you might like to try the refusal technique:

I refuse to do these exercises. I’m not doing these routines, I refuse to do them. Keep repeating until you feel a little better!

If that feels good, have a look at the full exercise (an EFT/ tapping technique), which you can find here.

I wasn’t bought up to express my feelings, so it’s taken me a long time to realise how useful expressing them is. For frustration and anger, have a go at shouting out loud…or stamping your feet….or using tapping/EFT. For despair, I normally use EFT/ these days. Here’s one for feeling defeated. I have put together some playlists of other people’s tapping Youtube videos, this one could be a good one: Tapping for ME/CFS: day to day living. Self-doubt is a little more complex so journalling might help here.

Review and Experiment

The fourth technique I often use is to vary when, how and where I do my exercises/ routines. I’ve found sitting down in a relaxed moment and reflecting, ‘How am I doing? What’s going on?’ helps. You might want to choose one or two of the questions I pose below to focus on (more than that at one time could be overwhelming!). Remember, it’s your gut feeling that will help you here.

Are the exercises I’m doing the right ones for me at the moment? Am I trying to do too much? Is there an exercise that it’s time to drop?

What’s the maximum time that suits me? Five minutes every hour or one hour all together?

What time of day is best? Is it better as one or two chunks or lots of chunks?

What order is best?

Is lack of confidence in how I’m doing the exercise affecting me, and what can I do about that? Does revisiting my notes/ videos help? Or checking with my practitioner?

Have I been doing the exercises by rote? If so,

How can I make the exercise itself more pleasurable: music, being outside, audiobook, cup of tea nearby, focusing – really focusing – on the exercise?

Which one works best to start with?

How can I vary the exercises?

Would linking them with other routines help?

How does focusing on any sensations in my body help?

What experiment is best for you will depend on what is making you feel demotivated whether you are bored with routine or feeling it takes too long or whatever. There are lot more options for experimenting than I mention here; you might want to ask for ideas of what other people do in one of the supportive ME/CFS Facebook groups.

Remind yourself how they help.

It’s easy to be getting the benefits of the routine without noticing, so it took me a few times of stopping the exercises such as meditating for ME/CFS and then discovering a few weeks later how much more I was struggling. It was only then I realised/ remembered what I’d been gaining from doing them.

But when I first tried reminding myself of the benefits, I’d say something like ‘Come on, Ali, you know they do you good.’ but I’d say it with quite a lot of aggression. It wasn’t very helpful.

It was only when I could tap into a more loving, compassionate part where the words were only slightly different, but the energy behind them was caring that this technique helped. ‘Remember how you feel just a little bit better when you do this routine, Ali’.

These days I try to remind myself of the benefits of the exercises before I even start – using other people’s views of why doing xxx is good – and gradually, as I notice how they help, I add in my version. Sometimes, going back to the original video or notes helps as I can hear from ‘the horse’s mouth’ why this exercise/ routine works.

It’s also good to remind yourself that you’re doing the routines because your health is important. It is so easy to put health (even when we’re chronically ill) last.

Knowing a lack of motivation is normal, having a break from the exercises, expressing your frustration, experimenting, and reminding yourself how they help has often been enough to get me back into track but, sometimes, there have been deeper, more complex issues going on in the background and then I’ve needed to do more such as:

• Strengthening and cleaning up my desire.
• Questioning my beliefs.
• Focusing on my self-worth.

Usually what’s happened for me is that the emotions around doing my self-care routine have felt so strong that I know something is going on, and in my head I’ve committed to sitting down with the issue and do some exploring when I have a relaxed moment. The reason I choose a different time from when I would normally do the exercises is to lessen the pressure to be doing the self-care routine there and then, as I’ve found it important to be in a centred, relaxed place as possible!

Although I’ve separated this section into three parts, all three interrelate with each other and build on each other. Actual change here takes time, and thinking of it as a journey may help temper the frustration that there’s no quick fix!

Strengthen and clean up your desire:

Desire and motivation are much more complex topics than are often portrayed. (Sometimes, I find motivating videos demotivating cos they made it sound so simple). It’s a topic I haven’t written about yet, so my thoughts aren’t completely clear.

What I do know that as I focused on personal development – through questioning my beliefs, having counselling etc – my desire to look after my health became stronger and more consistent rather than pulling in all kinds of directions ‘I want to do this…you can’t do that’. My desire became more like an arrow than a fluffy ball.

Once it is stronger and you have fewer doubts that you’re focusing on the right thing, it’s then possible to look for techniques that help your motivation, such as reminding yourself why you’re doing something or visualising yourself exercising consistently. More on this topic to follow!

Questioning my beliefs.

Because I had beliefs such as ‘I shouldn’t take care of myself’ or ‘I should look after others first’ or ‘I shouldn’t value my health’, my motivation to do my exercises was sometimes there and sometimes not; I had a lot of inner conflict about doing them consistently. Just acknowledging these beliefs helped as it helped to bring them out of my subconscious.

One technique I like for identifying what is going on is called the spider chart. I learnt this on a workshop given by Gill Edwards. I explain how to do it here.

Nick Ortner of The Tapping Solution gives a similar process here for identifying your beliefs. For both processes, you need to choose a statement which reflects what you’re aiming for such as ‘I take care of myself’.

Tapping on the two sides of the conflict: ‘It’s good to take care of myself’ and ‘I shouldn’t take care of myself’ often gives me relief. This method is described here.

Doubt whether what you’re doing will help is another belief that’s going to affect your motivation. I’m trying to recover from a running injury at the moment and am struggling to do my phsyio exercises. For me, it’s a combination of doubt that the exercises are helping and doubt (aka fear) that I’ll ever get back to running. The fear that you’ll never recover can be both a motivator and a demoraliser, and can be very powerful. Again, more on this at a future date.

Focusing on my self-worth

When I started counselling about four/ five years before I recovered, I started because I was unhappy and frustrated with having ME/CFS. I didn’t expect it to help how I approached managing my ME/CFS but gradually I felt a little bit better about myself, and my self-worth – my belief in myself – improved. And as my self-worth increased, my ability to move through difficult situations improved. This wasn’t something I expected!

I stopped blaming myself for not doing my routine, instead I developed an attitude of self-compassion and curiosity and felt comfortable and confident enough to ask myself (or discuss with somebody else) ‘What’s going on here?’.

It still seems strange to me that one of the biggest factors in my recovery from ME/CFS was having counselling, but my whole mindset has changed because of counselling. Many deep-seated patterns such as feeling helpless and powerless have shifted, and with that shift my thinking and approach to life has changed.

It’s not just me, many people who have recovered talk about how mindset is key. (I will explain why I think mindset is so important in another post…).

I’m using mindset as a bit of an umbrella term here: it’s how I approached my healing, how I felt about my ME/CFS, how I expressed my emotions and what I thought/felt about my situation. All of these changed over time.

There are, of course, lots of ways to focus on your self-esteem; counselling is only one of them, but I hope this encourages you to explore what those options are. I have also rediscovered EFT after recovering, and found the technique really useful. Have a look at Tapping resources for a chronic illness life. to get you started.

Let’s finish with a repeat of what steps you can take to help you when you’re struggling to do your exercises:

Know a lack of motivation is normal.

Have a break from them.

Express your frustration.

Experiment.

Remind yourself how they help.

And longer-term actions:

Strengthen and clean up your desire.

Question your beliefs.

Focus on your self-worth.

I hope this helps!

Warm wishes

Ali

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